2012 in review

In lieu of writing a Christmas letter, I am writing this little post with a hopefully accurate picture of what we've been up to for the last 12 months.

January: We had been living in our new place for about a month, Sam had just gotten his casts removed after his final surgeries, and we were still awash in unpacking. Sam and I started taking ECFE classes on Tuesday nights and began the process of being evaluated for early intervention services for his arm. I turned 31. We ate sushi.

February: We had colds. Practically nothing interesting happened to us.

March: Sam outgrew his entire wardrobe. We started walking the local trails to the playgrounds (3 in a 1/2 mile radius, woot!) Somewhere in here Sam started pool therapy at Gillette, and didn't qualify for OT from the school district, but did qualify for services for a communication delay.

April: I started looking for a family to do daycare for. I made my first ever hand-assembled lasagna. Sam and I went on various adventures to the zoo and the mall.

May: Sam turned two and had his baptism birthday. By the end of the month, I finally found someone who wanted to pay me to watch her kiddo. We had colds again, Sam with bronchitis.

June: We had Sam's 2nd birthday party at the townhouse, and lots of people came! It rocked. I started watching Maggie 41 hours per week. Dan lost his job to a mass layoff mid-month, and he also turned 31.

July: Dan found a new job mid-month, just in time for his severance from the old one to end. He applied for, but ended up never needing, unemployment. We decided to switch Sam from in-home speech therapy to in-class therapy at ECFE.

August: Sam outgrew every item of clothing he owned AGAIN. Seriously, kid. I got the nastiest summer cold yet.

September: We officially started ECFE again. It was just what we were needing. It was just very early in the morning for Sam. He got used to it over time, though. We found out that we'd been doing our state taxes wrong for like 7 years and had to file ND and MN amended returns. Stephanie moved in with us temporarily.

October: Zelda joined Stephanie in the basement; the kids had a good time trick-or-treating together but also fought like brother and sister half the time. Sam learned the word "MINE." I got increasingly political on the Facebooks. I started crocheting like crazy for xmas gifts.

November: The MN constitutional amendments got defeated, which was a happy day for me. I decided to dial down my Facebook activity and dial up my blogging. Stephanie and Zelda moved out. We had a small Thanksgiving at home since our monster colds ruined our plans. We also had to cancel a mini-vacation we had planned.

December: We bought a used minivan. I finished my holiday projects in time and even got them wrapped. Christmas Day at my parents' with all of our siblings and nieces was amazing as always. Both our other cars died. We paid to repair the one and prepared to donate the other. I managed to write one blog entry for every weekday (two on Thanksgiving) from the time that I started writing in November up till now.

That's about it! It felt like we had head colds about every 3rd week, but we made it through the year. Sam grew and grew, and has been learning new words constantly. We've all been busily working hard, but managed to spend a little time with family and friends here and there. We're looking forward to what 2013 will bring! Hopefully, some sleep. :)

Video Friday: "Where Is My Goat", Taryn Southern

Time for another video Friday!

This one is kind of ridiculous, but I get it stuck in my head. Taryn Southern is hilarious, and if you don't mind more risque content and/or cussing, you should check out her other work, especially "Single Girls" and "Google That S***".

(Also if you didn't at least giggle at that first "baa-aa-aa-aa, aa-aa-aa-aa-ack", I really don't know why we're friends. I mean, come on.)

Sam and Rudolph

I finally got around to trying to get a decent picture to put on our holiday cards this year. (I tend to send New Year's cards, because who has time to get that stuff organized before Christmas? Not I.)

For our first attempt, I still had Sam in his brand new Cars PJs from Grandma and Grandpa.

 "Hey, Sam, can you give Rudolph some hugs?" Placed Rudolph by his cheek. Ironically, this awkward shot was the best of this attempt.

 "OK, how about a smile? No?"

 "OK, we've got the smile, now can you just hold Rudolph still?"

" No?"

 "Well, making him smell your feet is probably not what we're going for, here."

...and the escape.

At that point I kind of gave up on having conscious Sam in any picture this year. Since it was handy, I ended up putting him in the same shirt he wore last year. It was hugely oversized on him then, to fit over his casts. Now it just fits and he will probably outgrow it by spring. He went down for a nap on our cute snowflake flannel sheets shortly after Maggie left for the day. I removed the pacifier (don't judge me; I know how old he is) and tried to get as many dried on boogers off his face as I could. Unfortunately Mr. Stuffy Nose is a mouth breather today.

Here I had more technical difficulty with my camera, shooting as quickly and quietly as possible in low light.

 OK, flash just made it look creepy. 

 OK, so we're going to be blurry with no flash. How about trying another setting?

 Damn flash! Turn off, you.

 Still a bit blurry and dim, but I like the composition better and it's not too awful.

 Holy blurry picture, Batman.

 Now it looks like Rudolph is attempting to eat something out of Sam's open hand. And I'm too low.

 Ugh, so blurry.

This one's not awful either. I just don't see the cuteness in the shot anymore like there was his first Christmas. This one seems bright enough and clear enough to pay to have printed.

Thoughts? Suggestions? I really don't want to skip it this year since we've been doing it every year and it's becoming our one tradition. I think it will be so cute to watch Sam get bigger and bigger and Rudolph get smaller and smaller.

Christmas Day

We had a blast. Sam wasn't much more interested in opening gifts, but he did seem excited about his presents, especially once we got them home. He really wanted to open the boxes of all the toys, but we decided to hold off on a few of them until the next day, because Maggie would be here in the morning and we didn't have storage for everything set up yet.

On a related note, I wish we had Boxing Day in the United States. It would be nice to have a day to relax after the big to-do. It was busy but so much fun. Mom, Dad, Eddie, Terrie, Me, Dan, Sam, Kevin, Mandy, Ella, Ella's new dog Stewie, Jena, Jordan, Ryan, Reese, Steve and his new girlfriend whose name escapes me at the moment. It was a little crowded but the grownups played de-facto musical chairs depending on who was chasing a kid or a dog at the moment. Of course I forgot to take pictures. Hopefully some generous soul will post some on Facebook and I'll share later on.

My crocheted creations were a big hit. I think people were surprised, which is weird, because at one point it became obvious that nearly all the grownups in the room read this blog. Once I finish giving the rest away (a few friends and relatives that didn't make it to the Malecek celebration still have things coming) I'll start posting the results. Of course I forgot to take pictures of people with their gifts, so I did plan ahead and take some before they were wrapped.

As I suspected, Sam is going to be good for toys probably at least until his next birthday. I'm glad we were a little conservative again with what we gave him this year. He's got all kinds of trains and duplos and cars, and a bunch of new clothes and pajamas. I got the book I asked for as well as a bunch of other lovely things, including 3 new t-shirts, one of which says that I am silently correcting your grammar. I am.

Love to my people! Writing this post off the top of my head 20 minutes before I post it was probably not a great idea, but I'll revise later with pictures and post an updated link.

Christmas Eve

Sam is 2 and a half now. Last year he was somewhat interested in Christmas, but we were struggling with his casts and his surgical wound sites and skin grafts and everything. He was also extremely nonverbal, including very limited comprehension. This year he is speaking a bit more, and more importantly, he is understanding way more of what we say to him and is following directions, etc. So Christmas Eve was meant to be a big trial run of festivities and present opening to prepare him for the big family get-together today.

First thing, I realized that Sam's runny nose has now morphed into a slight cough, and therefore church is probably not a great idea. Aside from the obvious germ-sharing, he probably wouldn't be able to go to the nursery (if it's even open) and therefore it would just be a miserable experience for all of us. He really doesn't sit still or be quiet very well. But he's a 2 1/2 year old boy. You can only expect so much. Plus, Dan wasn't going to be home from work in time for us to attend the "family" version of Christmas Eve at Augustana. So it would just "just us" for Christmas Eve.

I had decorated our tree the night before, which consisted of newer, less breakable ornaments. Tada! But I forgot the candy canes.

Most of the presents were still in my office aka the gift wrapping room. I also hung up our stockings on the railing with yarn.

 

Good enough. I'm calling that "decorated". The presents were all wrapped by Christmas Eve morning, aside from the bows which I always put on at the last minute. Now I just needed to do a little cleaning and get ready to make a lasagna for dinner.

We opened our presents to each other while the lasagna was baking, and Sam wore his new spiderman PJs to bed. He still wasn't too interested in opening the presents, but once he could see what was inside, he was super-excited. He made me read both of his new Little Blue Truck books on the spot. It was a fun, quiet, laid-back kind of Christmas Eve.

Advent and Pregnancy, Mary and Breastfeeding

So I had this half-baked idea in my brain about how advent could be considered a celebration of pregnancy. It begins with Mary and Joseph, and Zachary and Elizabeth, being visited by an angel who tells them they are going to have babies. (Jesus and John the Baptist, respectively.) That pregnancy, not birth, is the beginning of the story in two of the gospels seems significant to me. I also remember being pregnant during advent. I think most Christian women who have experienced pregnancy, during advent or not, have pondered what Mary's actual experience might have been like. Both advent and pregnancy are times of waiting, planning, preparing, excitement, and anxiety.

In my planning and preparing this year, however, I've run out of time to fully flesh out these ideas. Instead, I'll share a few links which had gotten the idea rolling around in my brain.

I also had wanted to write about how Christians used to view Mary breastfeeding Jesus as a powerful image of both physical and spiritual nourishment and sacrifice, but that sadly, sexual repression and the sexualization of the breast  in the 19th century quashed that and now women get harassed for breastfeeding in church (in some places.) So there's some of that here, as well.

Mary, the Mother of God by Rachel Held Evans
Why I’m Glad Matthew’s Infancy Narrative Isn’t Literally True and Jesus was NOT Born in a Manger by James F. McGrath
Where was Jesus born? posted by Mike at The Aleph and The Omega

Did Paul Invent the Virgin Birth? by James D. Tabor

The Birth of Jesus, Part IV. The Two Versions of the Birth Story by John Shelby Spong

Mary Breastfeeding Jesus: Christmas's Missing Icon via Religion News Service by David Gibson

Breastfeeding in Church: A Picture of Christ's Sacrificial Love, by Ruth Engelthaler, and Breastfeeding in Public: A Christian Father Speaks Up, anonymous, both posted at Peaceful Parenting

Modesty and Hating Oneself: The Darker Side by Dianna E. Anderson

Video Friday: Holiday Edition

Some of my favorite holiday music, for video Friday.

"Elf's Lament", by Barenaked Ladies is one of my favorite modern Christmas songs. The album version has Michael Bublé taking turns on lead and harmonies starting in verse two, but I thought this live version was more interesting than staring at the album art, as there doesn't seem to be an official video. The whole album is amazing, though, so if you don't already own it, go buy it. You won't regret it. I can listen to this thing on loop throughout the month of December, and it also includes some lovely Hanukkah songs.

And this is just cute as heck.

Busy, busy, busy!

So I don't have much to share today, mostly because I've been crafting up a storm and not writing as much. Here is a picture of my sad little Charlie Brown tree that the kids keep knocking over, so I don't dare hang ornaments on it yet:

I've been preparing a series of photo posts about my Christmas projects, but since they are gifts that have not yet been given, I'll be posting them after the holiday. Thus far, I've managed to crochet, photograph, and package 5 afghans, 5 ornaments, 2 cowls and a scarf, and I'm halfway through another cowl and afghan.

I'm also partway through the first of the amigurumi, but unless I give myself a repetitive stress injury and locate a time machine and some safety eyes this weekend, those are probably not going to happen in time for Christmas, which isn't a huge surprise to me. After I finished so many ornaments, the last three of which were amigurumi, I thought maybe it would happen, but then I got wrapped up in scarves/cowls and didn't finish. I may just try to get three done for the nieces and skip Sam's until later (not like he'll know the difference), but it will depend on how much work goes into the other patterns. One of them doesn't require eyes, and I might just embroider the eyes on the other two. Hmm, hmm, hmm. Or I might just decide that it's not worth being stressed over. Oh, the suspense! (small eye roll)

Yeah, the amigurumi probably aren't going to happen if I have to cook anything or do any shopping in the next 3 days. I also need to somehow make time to photograph Sam with his Rudolph (which I have not yet located) and make cards. I normally do the stick-on kind, but it might just not happen this year. Which is saying something, since I managed it last year with Sam in two full arm casts. Wasn't he adorable?

He was pretty darn cute the year before, too.

With any luck I'll find Rudolph and get the picture taken. If I can get him to sit still long enough, that is. Worst case, I suppose I could strap him into his car seat and take it in the van! I am almost thinking we'll have more luck with the sleeping method I used his first Christmas.

Well, stay tuned for more holiday fun. We'll get back into the depression series and I'll perhaps commission a couple guest posts about baby wearing sometime after the holiday. Tomorrow will be a very holiday video Friday and Monday I plan to write about how advent is a celebration of pregnancy, but also how ridiculous Matthew's treatment of the nativity story is. :)

Depression, Part 2: The Sunlight Catch-22

This post is part of a series; start here if you want to read from the beginning.

I mentioned before that this time of year, during the darkest days of the year, I have a harder time managing my depression. Regardless of what Denis Leary has to say about it, not all of us are cured by going to a hockey game, or buying ice skates, or skis, or by shoveling a driveway, OK?

Part of the issue is the length of the day. Part of the issue is the overcast sky which means that although it is light out for a few hours, there is no sunshine. Part of the issue is that I already feel so crappy that I don't want to leave the house, or even my bed, enough to experience whatever daylight there may be.

By the way, the same is true of exercise. Yes, endorphins=fabulous, but it's getting to the point where you can DO it that's a problem. For me these things go together in a vicious circle. If it's crappy outside, I don't want to go for my walk. If I don't go for my walk, I don't feel good. Then even when it's not crappy, I don't want to go for my walk, because I don't feel good. My exercise- and cold-induced asthma doesn't help--getting rewarded for finally making an effort by being unable to breathe well is super frustrating and not at all motivating to do it again.

When I was first officially diagnosed with depression, it was the fall of 2001, about a month after our collective world came crashing down. I was living in Moorhead, MN, where the sun doesn't get above the treeline for several months of the year. I was a junior at Concordia College, living in an apartment in the German House. And I was failing some of my classes, mainly because I wasn't showing up. God bless my German professor, whose name escapes me at the moment (I've forgotten a LOT of what happened during that time, and I didn't particularly like this professor, but he is at least retired and might be dead now...he was really old then), who figured out that I needed to see a counselor right away and made me the appointment with the on-campus counseling center. They then referred me to a local doctor who could get me the diagnosis and some meds.

Thus began my treatment journey. Over the next several years I would see at least 3 different shrinks and was on several different medications, some of which helped, some of which didn't. I continued to fail academically and make poor decisions socially as my depression was not at all well controlled until I finally dropped out of school and moved back in with my parents at the age of 22, roughly three semesters after my initial diagnosis. This was also a move south and back to a less flat landscape. After 7 semesters, plenty of academic probation, and tens of thousands of dollars, I left Concordia with no degree. I learned many things, some of which I have forgotten, many of which I remember, but without the piece of paper, it's a huge waste of money. They should have kicked me out after the first two failing semesters, but because I made the dean's list in spring of 2000, they decided I still had the potential to get good grades and they could keep taking my (and my parents') money guilt-free. I still owe more than 10K in student loans, ten years later. Essentially, I threw away a good 2 years of my life.

Part 3 to arrive when I remember what my treatments were and how long it took to find a combination that worked well.

I have new glasses!

They are cute and I like them. The color isn't great here, as the netbook's webcam is even crummier than the laptop's, but they are dark red.

The side pieces are fancy, too. They have a kind of lilac swirl and crystal accents.

I tried taking a couple less blurry shots with my real camera and the results were terrifying. I am not skilled at the arm's length self portrait. The color was better but oh dear god my face. I'll try again after I get a haircut and recolor my hair and put on a little makeup (and make someone else take the picture).

I also got some ridiculously large D&G sunglasses. They are silly, but they'll for sure keep the sun out of my eyes, I guess...?

Depression, Part 1: Introduction and How it Feels

Preface: I wrote all of this before I heard about the most recent mass shooting in CT. All weekend I debated about holding it for a bit, but in the end, especially after reading this and this, I decided that I needed to move forward in honesty. I need to write about about my mental health journey, in the hopes that raising awareness and reducing stigma helps stop the next person in pain from deciding to take innocent lives.

I've hinted and talked a bit here about my struggles with depressive dysphoric disorder and seasonal affective disorder. Anything I write on this topic is going to be specific to my experience--depressions vary widely and if I say I did or did not experience a particular symptom, that is not intended to discount the experience of anyone else.

My major depressions occurred while I was in college, but every year I struggle off and on in some respect. Dan mentioned the other day that he sees my depression and remission as a roller coaster that is gradually evening out. Every low is more minor than the last, like the opposite of a downward spiral. I have to say that I agree, but I must remain vigilant and aware that no matter how hard I try to control my moods, sometimes I'm not in control.

As an aside, I want to point out that I have never been bipolar--I only alternate between depression and remission, never mania, though I do keep myself educated about both bipolar and anxiety, because I'm evaluated for them every time I see my doctor as well. My roller coaster has plateaus, but not peaks. I won't be writing about those conditions simply because I haven't experienced them.

Andrew Solomon has written and spoken about his depression, and I think he truly hits the nail on the head in this 2009 interview for On Being with Krista Tippett. An excerpt:

Ms. Tippett:  I think what I found really refreshing about your book and something that I don't think is out there enough is, you know, what depression really is and what it really is not. It's not sadness, really. I think you say that the opposite of depression is human vitality.

Mr. Solomon: It's an experience, I think overall, of finding the most ordinary parts of life incredibly difficult: finding it difficult to eat, finding it difficult to get out of bed, finding it difficult and painful to go outside, being afraid all of the time and being overwhelmed all the time. And frequently, it's quite a sad experience to be afraid and overwhelmed all the time. Nonetheless, those are the essential qualities of it. It isn't, I think, primarily an experience of sadness.

When I heard this interview for the first time this fall, I cried. Overwhelmed. That's what my depression has always been. When I'm in a depression, I am so overwhelmed by everything in life that I just want to turn myself off and stay in bed. It's a dark, frightening place to be, but naming it and getting help to clear the fog is so incredibly valuable.

When I am in the darkest depressions I find it frightening to drive, because I just can't process my surroundings quickly enough. My head gets so foggy I can't process thoughts normally, which is completely frustrating. I feel tired all the time, even if I've just woken up. I crave sweet foods, because my body is desperate for energy. These things have natural consequences in daily life--being late to work, not being able to finish assignments or make it to classes, having a messy house, failing to feed myself properly, forgetting to bathe, etc. Simply living life is too exhausting and I fail at it. In my head, I joke that if I'm depressed enough to be suicidal, I'm too depressed to DO anything about it. For the record, just because the internet is crazy and people have been known to do this, I want to note that you do not have to call the cops on me; I am not now nor have I ever been seriously suicidal. At times I wished I could just sleep and avoid my problems for a really long time, but I never actually wanted to die.

Stay tuned for Part 2, whenever I have the courage and proper frame of mind to write it.

Video Friday: "Breathing Underwater", Metric

Thinking I might make this a regular thing on Fridays. I tend to hear lovely little earworms from time to time, or see hilarious videos on the internet that I'd like to share. I heard this one on the radio the other day.

I'm becoming a huge fan of Metric, after having enjoyed their song "Black Sheep" in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Then I started hearing them on the radio, especially the song "Gimme Sympathy". The first few times I heard it I didn't put it together that it was the same band. Anyhow, driving down the road in my minivan singing "Is this my life? Oh-wo-wo-wo-woh, am I breathing underwater?" is kinda funny to me.

There is a particularly lovely acoustic version with just a piano, guitar, Emily Haines and James Shaw on vocals, but it's only available by listening to the full interview on The Current's website. It starts at about the 14 minute mark.

Baby wearing

Of course I was going to get around to writing about baby wearing one of these days. It is one of the things that gets me through my day with toddlers, and what got Sam through many a shopping trip for the first two years of his life.

I believe that most early parenting experiences can be enhanced by responsible baby wearing. By baby wearing, I do not mean putting baby on like a purse or accessory. I mean using a carrier to support most of baby's weight so that your arms don't get worn out from having to hold them.

Something I didn't really understand when Sam was small was that newborns are NOT safe in their bucket style car seats for long periods of time. Aside from the obvious fall hazards associated with placing a bucket style seat in a shopping cart or on a table, their positioning in a car seat compresses the diaphragm, making breathing difficult and increasing the risk of SIDS. Safely worn babies will be in a more upright position and will have an attentive caregiver paying close attention to them. They will have the added benefit of hearing and feeling their caregiver's heartbeat and breathing, which helps regulate those things for baby. Once baby is out of the car, baby should come out of the car seat. This is something I TOTALLY FAILED at. I admit it. I had an injury to my wrist from a crappy IV when Sam was born, so it was harder for me to hold him comfortably than it ought to have been. If I'd been a more confident baby-wearer, I might have been more comfortable, because I wouldn't have been supporting as much of his weight with my hands, and I wouldn't have been as apt to keep him in a car seat or swing.

Some baby carriers are not ideal for long sessions, and some are outright dangerous and have been banned. If you see a bag style carrier with elastic around the pouch area like this, don't buy it. These are off the market but do show up at garage sales and on ebay and Craigslist. Another highly debated type of carrier within the baby wearing community is what we affectionately call a "crotch dangler". I confess, I did own and use one of these when Sam was small. It is by far the least expensive type of carrier readily available, but the Bjorn is also designed the same way and is ridiculously expensive for what it is. If you must use this type of carrier, please only do so with baby facing in and for short periods of time. Your back, shoulders, and your baby's hips will thank you.

So. Like using a carseat properly, there are a few things you need to keep in mind to use a baby carrier safely and comfortably. The TICKS checklist is a good place to start. Baby's breathing and position are crucial to babywearing safety.

Which carrier to choose?  I have used several over the years for Sam and now Maggie. I'll give detail about each.

WRAPS

My first baby carrier was a woven wrap from Lil' Peeper Keepers. It was cotton gauze in dark green with no stretch. I chose it because I wasn't confident that a Moby would be long enough for me to tie comfortably, and I figured Sam would outgrow the Moby more quickly than I'd want. It worked very well for Sam's first summer and fall, but eventually the length did become an issue--it was just too short for us to breathe properly, once he grew, in the standard hug hold position (and I didn't know about shorter wrapping methods at the time). So I gave it to my sister-in-law to use with her daughter. One note: all carriers have some learning curve, but with wraps it does take a little more practice with a mirror to learn how to do it. I didn't learn on my first try, but I kept at it and eventually got it. YouTube has a plethora of videos teaching how to wrap and how to use other carriers. I will gladly help any of my local friends who need a little help getting started.

Photo credit: Self portrait with Sam, seated, at Nickelodeon Universe

I recently bought a longer wrap in light green, same fabric, from the same lady, to use with Maggie.

Photo credit: Terrible bathroom mirror self-portrait with Maggie

SOFT STRUCTURED CARRIERS (SSCs)

The second carrier we owned was this. I don't think I even have any pictures because I wasn't proud of it. It was intended as an easier to use carrier for Dan to wear Sam if needed. We all hated it.

When we got fed up with it and discovered just how harmful it was, but didn't want to spend over $100 for a new carrier, we bought an Infantino Union. It was a facing-in, front or back, buckle carrier with good lumbar support and a wide seat for baby. It worked very well for us, for both Sam and Maggie, and I even used it on Monday when I couldn't find my new carrier. It is a good starter SSC, with few bells and whistles and is not for infants under 6 months. My main criticism of it is that it's not very tall, so by the time you have a toddler it only goes halfway up their back. But, between about 6 and 18 months, for $40, as long as you don't mind having them wear a sun hat, it's a great low-cost carrier.

Photo credit: Another terrible bathroom self-portrait with Maggie

My favorite carrier at the moment, and the one I use the most, is my Ergo. I was extremely lucky (and extremely patient) so I got it for under $100 shipped, with an extra pouch, on Babysteals.com. It is amazing and has all the extras that the Union was missing, like a hood. It feels sturdier and more comfortable, and is slightly easier to get Maggie in and out of. One thing I plan to do soon is buy the teething pads to go on the straps--little lady likes to chew 'em!

This is basically how naptime happens at my house.

SSCs are by far the easiest type of carriers for a novice to use. They are not for tiny babies unless you use an infant support pouch or pillow, but by about 6 months they are great for every day. They are especially nice for taking baby in and out, say, for a diaper change, because when unhooked the straps don't drag on the floor the way a mei tai might. They can be a bit bulky so they aren't ideal for dragging around all the time, but for planned outings and around the house, they really are fantastic. I typically bring one to the zoo, the mall, and IKEA.

POUCH SLINGS

I have a Seven sling, but I've rarely used it. Just never got the hang of it and it seemed to pinch the kids' legs. I'm pretty sure it's sized correctly for me, but it just didn't work right for us. I used it as an emergency carrier that was small enough to fit in my purse (it folds up to be as small as a disposable diaper.) I've heard good things about Hotslings and will try to get a guest poster to review them.

Photo credit: the last terrible self-portrait of Maggie and me attempting a hip hold.

MEI TAIS and RING SLINGS

I haven't owned a mei tai or a ring sling before, though I have heard great things. I've also never owned a stretchy wrap, nor have I ever breastfed while baby wearing or had much luck with back carries. Fortunately, I have some fabulous friends and relatives with experience with most of these things and hope to get one of them to write up a guest post in the near future.

Happy baby wearing!

Feeling the darkness, what to do.

Tuesday night, 10 PM

For the first time since I started updating regularly again, it's the night before a weekday and I don't have a draft post prepared for the morning. I do have two drafts sitting in my list of posts, but one is rather long and involved and not ready to post just yet, and the other is a "space holder" post about an activity I haven't done yet, but that I intend to write about once I do.

I didn't do much writing today. Instead, I finished two projects and kept the kids alive while sporadically reading the internet and watching Korean dramas on Netflix. (They can be seriously addictive, though most have pretty much the same plot.)

I'm starting to feel the pressure of the holidays and the gloom* that normally sets over me after daylight savings time ends for the year. It doesn't help that instead of taking a vacation I've spent the last however many weeks more or less trapped in my house. I'm nowhere near finished with Christmas shopping, and I've not wrapped a single gift. Trying to keep up with the housework and failing miserably is always a drain on my energy.

So. What to do. I decided to make myself a little list of things that I could do every day to make myself feel a little bit better. (These are in addition to things I already do, like take my pills consistently and see my doctor as needed, keep up on bottles and diaper changes, try to get the kids to nap, etc. This list is unique to me and my household and should not be considered instructions or recommendations for anyone other than myself.)

1. Make coffee first thing in the morning and drink at least two cups before trying to accomplish anything.

2. Unload the dishwasher and reload it right away; run it as soon as the top rack is full.

3. Try to clear off as much of the kitchen counter as possible.

4. Drink another cup of coffee while facing the window, if it's finally light out.

5. Sit on the floor while trying to pick up toys. Try to get at least the duplos put away 3 times a day. Then sweep.

6. Make a meal plan and stick to it. Now that Maggie's eating people food, I need to make breakfast, lunch and snacks for both her and Sam, as well as myself, and get ready to make dinner for Dan, Sam, and me. This is much easier to do if I've thought about what I'll prepare before the kids are screaming at me.

7. Spend less time at the laptop. This is going to be a difficult one, but I can always use my phone if I really need an internet fix.

8. Spend more of the time at the laptop writing, rather than reloading Facebook and Google Reader. It'll all be there when I'm done.

9. At night, shower and decide what to wear the next day so I'm not hunting for it in the dark at 6:20 AM.

10. Reference this post when I forget what I'm supposed to be doing to make my day better.

*I have much more to say about the topic of depression and seasonal affective disorder (SAD). This post is only about where I'm at now, which is in a period of mostly remission with careful management.

Re-evaluated

Last Thursday was Sam's re-evaluation for Early Childhood Special Education, through which he's been receiving speech and language services for his communication delay.

It went well; he's still more or less in the normal range for everything except speech, with a few small exceptions. He's solidly between the 18-24 month and 24-30 month ranges overall, with some skills falling into each range. (He is 30 months old.) So he'll continue to qualify for services until he is 3 in May, and we're already registered for the next round of free ECFE where he receives services.

In addition, he'll be evaluated in January for autism. While I don't think he lies on the severe end of the spectrum, and his emotional expression and intelligence leads me to believe it is unlikely he has Asperger's, he does have some specific behaviors and personality traits which are common to autism. Once he figures out the communication piece, I think most of these traits and behaviors will serve him well later in life--he has incredible focus and the ability to learn what he wants to learn very quickly. For example, he learned to identify all letters of the alphabet by sight, not just in order of the ABCs, though he can also recite them in order. But without communication, these things are meaningless. Without knowing more words, he won't be able to read for comprehension, even though he can physically say all of the letters and most of their sounds.

Sam was super excited to see his therapists and speech pathologist come to our house, and was super sad to see them leave. He has made a good amount of progress since we started in September, and has met most of his speech goals for the term. Overall I am very happy with his "team" and their attitudes toward both Sam and me, and we are looking forward to the next term!

The Reason for the Season: A Rant

Preface: I don't mean to offend anyone with this post--I am merely sharing my reaction to these sorts of things when my friends share them on Facebook. If it was only one person with the passive-aggressive pseudo-Christian messages it wouldn't annoy me as much! So here goes:

Photo via Nina Lee on Facebook, shared by nearly 100,000 at the time of this writing

I find it very, very hard to believe that Jesus is upset about us not making a big exclusive deal out of Christmas and instead saying Happy Holidays. Something makes me think that seeing His children trampled on Black Friday in the name of conspicuous consumption would make Jesus go around whipping stuff and flipping tables. A co-opted pagan holiday is not the be-all and end-all of Christianity. It's just not. People who think it is are worshiping their own culture, not God.

Santa? Not Jesus. St. Nicholas is a Christian Saint, but the gift-giving monstrosity with the flying sled is most certainly secular.

Christmas trees? Not about Jesus, pagan tradition.

Yule log? It's right in the name, pagan tradition.

Wreaths, holly, mistletoe? Also not Christian in origin.

Celebrating in the month of December? Nobody seems to know exactly when Jesus was born. Even the gospels disagree on the year, let alone the date. Most of what I've read about it argues that the shepherds would not have been tending their flocks by night, outdoors, in the dead of winter, ergo it wouldn't have taken place between November and March. However, the highly popular pagan holiday of the Winter Solstice was in place long before.

Get over it. Christmas is a highly secular cultural holiday with relatively few ties to Christianity aside from what was co-opted to attract Pagans to convert. That's it.

Now, I love Christmas. I love putting up stockings and decorating our tree. I love gift-giving. But I don't harbor any illusions that these things have anything to do with Jesus. If you're going to argue with me about the Magi, why don't we move gift-giving to Epiphany?

Wish me a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Holiday, or Season's Greeting. Better yet, wish me Peace on Earth. And I'm not going to complain if you wish me a Happy Hanukkah, a Joyous Kwanzaa, or anything else. (A Delightful Diwali? That's already passed, oops!) Although if you're not African-American and you give me Kwanzaa greetings, I might look at you funny. Just sayin'.

And I've shared this elsewhere, but it seemed apt:

Image via Exploring Our Matrix

(I also discovered that Exploring Our Matrix had indeed, two years ago, written this post for me...two days after I'd already finalized it for posting. Oh well. This lady also beat me to the punch.)

Christmas presents, part 4: Amigurumi!

While I was looking for patterns for the ornaments, I noticed lots of little stuffed toy patterns as well and decided to take the plunge and try amigurumi for the kiddos again. Several years back I made bunnies for the big girls, who were maybe 3 or 4 at the time, I think? Anyhow, they were very putzy, 8 pieces each plus the dresses, so I wasn't too excited to try again. When I was on bedrest while pregnant with Sam, I got someone to buy me yarn to make this giraffe in two versions, but I gave birth before I had time to make them  for Sam and Reese.

The yarn's been in a box for a long time and is probably still there. They are 15 pieces each and a lot of sewing/assembly. Probably not going to happen before the kids outgrow them.

So this year I am thinking of taking on small holiday themed amigurumi for Ryan, Reese, Ella, and Sam. I've got patterns for an angel, a reindeer, a gingerbread person, and a snowperson. If I get started now, and make one between each of my other projects, I should be OK. Gotta find those eyes, though! I tried to buy new ones and remembered that the last time, I had to order them online because the brick-and-mortars don't sell them anymore, at all. Just the glue-on googly eyes, and who needs those? Not this lady. I bought black round beads to use for the ornaments, but for something meant to be played with, I need something sturdier. Worst case, I will embroider them, badly.

Unchurched

Warning: This post may offend or upset you, if you are a Christian who attends church regularly or who thinks I should. You're welcome to stop reading here if you like, and come back tomorrow for another crafting post. Also, this post may be of little or no interest to the atheists in the crowd. OK. You've been warned.

So, as the holiday season rolls around I'm realizing that church, as in attending worship in a local building with other people, might not be for me anymore. At least not right now.

Whether it's simply my perception or the reality of the churches I've attended, they seem to have this going on. If you're not the sort inclined to follow links, here's an excerpt from the blog by Jo Hilder:

"We create this system of silence, lies and hiding whenever we promote a culture of perfection and shame. When we say the only true and authentic expression of the Christian life is a successful life, an abundant life, a life where nobody gets sick or hears voices, or dies or divorces, where nobody is anything but English-speaking, employed, middle-class and heterosexual, where nobody is addicted or abused or bitter or angry, or could possibly have ever been hurt, offended or abused by us, then we tell A Great Lie. Great Lies force people underground, into the dark, and sometimes that darkness is within ourselves. We force people to turn away from their pain and their truth, we make them split themselves in two, and sometimes into even more little pieces. And folks learn they can only ever show us one kind of face, tell us one kind of story. The perfect face. The story with the happy ending.

"But these happy, perfect stories and faces are not what Jesus came to heal.

"If people feel they cannot bring into church what Jesus came to heal them of, then what the hell are we doing, Church?

"Our churches may look great from the outside, but if they do, we have nothing to brag about. Most of our churches look great not because they’re populated with the whole, the helped and the healed, but because they’re filled with hurting and heartbroken people who have learned how to hide."

So for now I'm enjoying the writing of John Shore, Rachel Held Evans, James F. McGrath, and various others from the comfort of my own computer screen. Unfundamentalist Christians on Facebook is a major source of reading, as is Believe Out Loud. Every day, I am thinking about social justice and theological issues, which is more than I can say for all the years I attended church regularly. I enjoyed the music some of the time, sure, but the sermon, sorry, the "message" usually missed the mark, or didn't say anything at all. Most of the time, the scripture readings were not well examined with regard to their historical, etymological, or contextual meanings--they were either taken as face value "line readings" or entirely ignored.  Further, I really only thought about God, Christianity, and my faith, while I was in the sanctuary. Experiencing church online instead, through reading and writing every day instead of just listening for an hour a week, has been much more fulfilling for me in recent months. Crocheting has been my time to meditate and digest what I've been reading.

And sure, I'd love to find a church home. Right now, though, I have an unenthusiastic husband and a rowdy two year old who both like to sleep in on Sundays. When we get to the point that it feels less like a chore, an obligation, a nagging "should", then we'll go. When I can say, "Sam really loves Sunday School and would be sad to miss it this week," then we'll go. We'll probably attend once on Christmas Eve, becoming the dreaded C&E (Christmas and Easter) churchgoers.

I am weary of church-shopping. I am tired of researching and researching what I hope will be a great community for us, and then finding out that they have only one worship service per week at the butt-crack of dawn, which is a deal-breaker for us. I am leery of accidentally ending up in a pit of bigotry, sexism, heterosexism and self-congratulation. Yes, this happened once. They had a brochure about how "the homosexual agenda" had invaded Hawaii and how they were out to recruit your children. I feel like one more bad church experience and Dan will give up entirely, and I don't want to be a family where Mom drags the kids to church and Dad couldn't care less. (I mean absolutely no offense to anyone who was raised that way.) If and when we join a faith community, I want it to be as a family. And I know, I know, part of my responsibility as a member of The Church is to help build a community that serves the needs of everyone who wants to participate. Part of it is to just show up and let the Holy Spirit do what she needs to do. It's the showing up part that I'm struggling with.

It frustrates me that if we were Catholic we would have no problem at all finding a 5pm Saturday Evening Mass to attend, but the more theologically compatible protestant denominations rarely have anything later than 11am. That's typically the praise music service anyway, which makes my skin crawl. So, until further notice, we're at an impasse. I'm thanking God for the gift of modern communication and social networking that lets me participate in an alternative format faith community on my own terms, for the moment.

Further reading:
John Shore: "Is Church Necessary?"
Rachel Held Evans: "15 Reasons I Left Church"
                             "15 Reasons I Returned to The Church"
                             "The Mainline and Me"
                             A Year of Biblical Womanhood (I would love this for a Christmas gift, if anyone's still reading this far down!)

(The comments section on John's blog is an amazing community. On Rachel's blog, there are occasionally trolls in the comments. Not sure why that is.)

Christmas presents, part 3: Ornaments!

Ornaments and small detail work are things that I usually do right at my laptop, staring at the pattern and counting carefully, so they are in general not great projects to do with the kiddos around. I can cram them in during naps and when Dan's around, so I made use of our staycation to get a couple things made.

I already posted the first ornament that I made, the pink poinsettia. Unfortunately I put the petals on backwards so I'm just keeping that one for my family and making another the right way. I really like this post about mistakes in crafting. If I've already finished a project but I'm not happy with it, I tend to just keep it for myself or give it to someone who will love it, mistakes and all.

The second ornament I made this year was the red poinsettia. Pattern here.

Instead of making a bunch of the same ornament, this year I'm thinking I'll do a different one for each family. So I'll be making a snowman, a Christmas mouse, and possibly a Santa in addition to the flowers. Not planning to make them out of exactly the same yarns specified, since I already have a ton of acrylic yarn in all colors of the rainbow.

Here's a bit of my process with the snowman. First I stitch up all the pieces. For this pattern, there are only four--to contrast with those stupid poinsettias, which have 15 pieces each...each individual leaf, petal, and middle part was its own piece. You can see why I decided against making more of them. Here I have already stuffed the snowman's body with fiberfill.

Then I tuck in ends and do any surface embroidery. Here I also attached the pom-pom to the hat.

Then I assemble.

I should probably have just bought new plastic eyes. I had plenty at one point, but they seem to be "in a bin" and I haven't been able to locate them. This time I just made the eyes with black yarn instead. Confession: I suck at french knots. For the mouth, the pattern called for black yarn in a straight line, but on a second look at the picture, it looks like they used black thread instead to make a tiny grin. My snowman looks rather grumpy and not nearly as cute as theirs. Maybe I'll just call him Grumpy Gus and try harder with the others.

Staycation

So, as of last Wednesday night we were all sick, but Dan didn't have to work until Tuesday, and I didn't have Maggie again until Monday. So what did we get up to?

Thursday we slept late, meaning Sam let me sleep until after 9, I wrote a couple blog posts, and drank coffee until Dan woke up at noon. Originally we were supposed to go to ECFE as a family, go to the eye doctor to get me some new glasses and a checkup, and then hit the road. Since we were sick I called to let them know we wouldn't be at school and it turned out that the eye doctor took our vision insurance, but not our health insurance so we couldn't get the exams paid for, so I cancelled that, too. I had lost my voice so I had Dan research it and call around to see if we could get an appointment for Thursday afternoon or Friday. Most of the rest of the day was spent vegging out, and working on this lovely chenille afghan I made just for us:

Friday was filled with errands. Dan got me an eye appointment at Sam's Club, so I did that, but while they accepted the health insurance, they did not accept the vision insurance so I couldn't order glasses. So we decided to go have lunch and pick up Dan's sunglasses at Target, and order me glasses there as well. By the time we were done at Target, Sam had literally fallen asleep in his seat in the cart, so we went home, thinking he would nap. Nope! But I did. Dan let me take a 4 hour nap while he watched Sam. It was glorious. Sam never did take a real nap, but he did go to sleep at a reasonable hour (for him, which means 10:30.) We still felt pretty crummy, but made a resolution to do something fun on Saturday.

Saturday. Hahaha. Something fun. If you call forcing a small strong willed child to have his hair cut against his wishes, then I guess we had fun. It was seriously traumatizing. And it even looks like crap. What do other moms with sensory kids do about haircuts? We had originally planned to go shopping afterward, but instead went straight home and gave him a bath, put him in pajamas (at 5 pm) and let him nap.

Before the haircut we were able to have a little snack at Applebees since there was an hour wait at Kids' Hair. So that was slightly fun. Dan had vetoed the zoo since he was still not feeling well and didn't want to do a ton of walking early in the day. I managed to get in a trip to the grocery store and fabric store and get a small craft project completed, so the day wasn't a total waste. And Sam is no longer shaggy. So there's that.

Sunday we needed to go pick up our share of the half cow my parents bought. I realized there was no time left to do anything fun if I wanted to get the Christmas decorating done. Decisions, decisions. I put a pork loin roast in the crock pot before I left to pick up the meat. 1/16 of a cow is still a good amount of meat, in case anyone was curious. This year is the first year we participated in buying meat "on the hoof" with my parents and uncle & aunt. My parents bought two pigs and half a cow to split among eight families. Uncle Merle knows a guy. My parents are the street-level dealers. ;) Actually they divide the meat as fairly as possible and we all pay the same amount, so it's more of an informal co-op than anything else. Merle knows the farmers, so my parents directly pay both the farmer and butcher, not some nameless corporation, and then we split the cost (plus gas) equally. It's as close to eating local as we can do at the moment. My freezer is FULL.

I got home around 2; early enough that we still could have gone somewhere if the boys had been in the mood. They weren't. I worked on a few holiday projects and cleaned up the living room. I haven't made a decision about how and where to put up the tree this year, but it's not looking like there will be much decorating here after all. Later on, I picked up the last of the yarn I needed to buy for afghans, since Michael's was having a sale and a coupon special from 4pm-9pm only. I also shopped for a Christmas outfit or sweater for myself and an outfit for Sam at Kohl's and came home empty-handed. Worst case, we'll wear things we already own.

Monday morning bright and early Maggie arrived. We'd gotten on a stay-up-late and sleep in schedule, and going back to my normal routine kind of sucked. Well, except that she was sleepy when she arrived, promptly fell asleep in the rocker, and slept in the crib until after 10 when I woke her. The rest of the morning was pretty lazy/routine. Maggie ate, I drank coffee, Sam ate, I changed several diapers, etc. etc. Dan had to do a little work from home on his laptop in the basement. We'd planned to maybe do a little mall walking and present shopping in the afternoon, but Maggie fell asleep at an inopportune time so we decided to just stay home. Dan decided to go car shopping while it was daylight, he had the day off, and the weather wasn't bad.

We'd been looking for a minivan off and on for a couple months, and he finally found one that was (knock on wood) perfect. He stopped home after Maggie left to pick Sam and me up to give it another test drive and make the decision together. We both agreed so we bought it! I can be a real soccer mom now. Woo-hoo. It has fancy automatic doors, heated seats, and a built in DVD player. I am super excited for the next adventure we go on, and if we go on a real family vacation, I can sit in the back and watch movies with Sam.

So that's what we did. Nothing too fun, but we did get new glasses ordered, Sam's hair dealt with, bought a new vehicle, and I got a bunch of crafting done. Not too shabby for a 4 or 5 day weekend when everyone was sick. (By the way, Sam and I are feeling much better, but Dan's head is still stuffy. I'll send him to the doctor if it continues much longer.)

Unvacation

This post was supposed to be a wrap-up of a trip Dan, Sam and I were taking to Duluth to play in an indoor waterpark and look at Christmas lights. We hadn't taken any vacations in years, if you don't count the obligatory go-visit-elderly-relatives-so-they-can-see-Sam trips, which I don't. Dan and I have left town and stayed in hotel rooms exactly two times since our honeymoon, and we've been married for 6 1/2 years. I'm 99% certain that we've never left the state of Minnesota together, ever.

I used to love travel. In high school, I visited Europe with my foreign language class. I visited New Orleans with a church youth group, and Orlando and New Orleans a second time with the high school band. As an adult, I drove to Las Vegas to help my brother move there for school, and flew there the following Christmas with my parents. As a child, my parents took us on many family vacations, and while I hated the long car rides, it was a good experience for me to see a place that wasn't familiar.

Dan, on the other hand, hated travel when I met him, and he's still not much of a fan. Any time he slept away from home as a kid, it was because something bad had happened (their house burned down) or something bad was happening (they were visiting relatives who were unkind, to put it very mildly.) When he has time off work, he would like nothing better than to just stay home and relax.

I did convince him that we needed to get out of town for a few days for our honeymoon. We drove up to Duluth and stopped for lunch, then headed further north to Grand Marais, which was lovely the second to last weekend in May. It was about a week before Memorial Day, so it wasn't crowded, and we got a free upgrade to our hotel room. We meandered around town, checking out little shops and eating in small independently owned restaurants. One day we visited Gooseberry Falls, which was surprisingly really fun--did you know Dan likes hiking in the woods? Neither did I. Lesson learned: Dan hates the idea at first, but once he's there, he usually has a good time.

Some time later, a friend got married up north, so we drove up and stayed overnight in a hotel. It was more driving on two-lane roads than Dan would have liked, and I don't really count it as a vacation. Then a few years back we visited some friends who had moved to Waseca. We got a hotel room, since they had cats and I am highly allergic. We took one day just to ourselves and visited New Ulm, which was fun if low-key.

And that's it. I don't think we've ever done anything more than that. The last time we took Sam to visit Grandma Loretta, we took our time getting there and back, stopping about every hour or so, and he did much better with the car trip than most of the other times we've taken him long distances. So I was really optimistic about Duluth, Edgewater, and Bentleyville. Unfortunately we've all come down with a nasty cold, and I had an ear infection, so we had to cancel. At least we were able to cancel in time not to be charged for it. We plan to reschedule, but part of the appeal was that Dan and I both had Thursday and Friday off, so we could go Thursday and Friday night, leave Saturday, and be home in time to decompress and get ready for our week. Who knows when I'll be able to get another Friday off?

Next post: What we did instead! Expect lots of kleenex, amoxicillin, and nasal decongestant. Yeah, we know how to party. :(

Raising a boy: what I didn't expect. (So far.)

I didn't expect it to be so very different from raising a girl.

I didn't expect him to have so much trouble learning to speak. I didn't expect to worry about the autism spectrum and where on it some of his behaviors may lie. I didn't expect him to ignore me so much of the time. I didn't expect him to refuse to kiss, but present his cheek instead.

I didn't expect that boy poopy diapers would be so much easier to deal with than girl poopy diapers. I didn't expect him to learn his letters and numbers all in one shot, before learning to speak or even sing the alphabet.  I didn't expect him to have a happy-naked-run that cracked me up this much. I didn't expect to have to learn the tongue-twister, "Wonder Pets Underpants."

I didn't expect that he would need me as much as he does when he does, or as little as he does when he doesn't. I didn't expect to become a mind-reader. I didn't expect that he would have fears of swings and riding toys. I didn't expect that breastfeeding would be so hard for the two of us.

I didn't expect him to look so much like me. I didn't expect to love his little facial expressions that remind me of my little brother at that age. I didn't expect him to love his cousins and friends so much that he feels the need to tackle-hug them on sight.

I didn't expect him to have a need to rub people's earlobes. I didn't expect him to still need to snuggle to sleep at this age.

I think I did expect, though I didn't fully comprehend, how much I would love him and love being his mom.

Christmas presents, part 2: Who wants an awesome scarf?

So scarves are nice to make, partly because they tend to be fast, and partly because they tend to be mindless. Which is a good thing when you're also trying to keep toddlers from inadvertently maiming themselves.

My first crochet project "back" this fall was this scarf here:

Photo credit: Me via Fotofriend

I told myself if I was going to start crocheting again, gosh darn it my first project would be for me. And I finished it, and it is glorious. It reminds me of a candy cane. I made up the pattern; it's stitched end-to-end in single crochet in the back loop only, alternating colors every two rows with 8 rows of cream in the middle. Stitching in the back loop only gave it a nice ribbed texture and a bit more bulk.

Later on, after I'd finished an afghan or two, I decided to use up a little scrap yarn, so I made two of these gaiters, I guess they are called. It's a loop that makes the neck part of the scarf, but you just throw it around your neck and don't have to tie anything. These I just made up as I went, stitching them the short way and single crocheting a seam in the back. Then I fold it in half--it's actually twice as tall as in the picture, so there are two layers there. The first one was red and black, and I gave it to Steph. The second one in pink and linen is pictured below:

Photo credit: Me via Fotofriend

It reminds me a little too much of those foam medical braces for people with neck injuries. If I make any more like this, they will be in darker colors. It doesn't look too bad with my black coat, though.

So for gift-giving, I am thinking I ought to follow a pattern. I welcome feedback on styles and colors here. If you're reading this, I will probably be willing to make you one, so just ask! This is my sanity-saving project to work on between afghans. Here is a cowl I'm thinking of making one of my scarf-loving, fashionable sister in laws:

Photo credit: Lionbrand.com, pattern via link above

OMG you guys, giraffe print turtleneck. That's taking yarn modeling to a whole new level. ><

OK, I will try to quit picking on the models. They are modeling for old ladies, so what do I expect? It's not like my pictures are high fashion, either. Seriously, though, I like that pattern and think in a different color, it might be lovely. It makes me think of an infinity scarf, which I suppose it is.

Then there is this, which I also love the look of:

Photo credit: Lionbrand.com, pattern via link above

Maybe in a different color as well. I don't really know. Sometimes I think I should go neutral, so it goes with anything, but other times I think a scarf is an opportunity to make an outfit pop, so I should go bold. If it's a gift, though, going bold can be dangerous--I'm not great at figuring out exactly what colors people would like to wear. So, if any of the lovely ladies in my life want to weigh in, make any requests, I will be happy to whip something up especially for you! And if you hate both of the scarves above, let me know what you'd like. Wide and chunky? Narrow and funky? Thin and lacy? I'll do whatever. Want a hat instead? No problem. In fact, I might dedicate another post to hats, since I need to make myself a new one.


Note: All pictures in this post are taken from Lionbrand.com unless otherwise noted. Yarn and other notions are available for purchase at their website, as well as many free patterns such as those linked above. The red in the first scarf pictured above is Vanna's Choice in cranberry. The second scarf pictured is Vanna's Choice in linen and pink with two strands held together. Both are my own pattern.