Baby wearing

Of course I was going to get around to writing about baby wearing one of these days. It is one of the things that gets me through my day with toddlers, and what got Sam through many a shopping trip for the first two years of his life.

I believe that most early parenting experiences can be enhanced by responsible baby wearing. By baby wearing, I do not mean putting baby on like a purse or accessory. I mean using a carrier to support most of baby's weight so that your arms don't get worn out from having to hold them.

Something I didn't really understand when Sam was small was that newborns are NOT safe in their bucket style car seats for long periods of time. Aside from the obvious fall hazards associated with placing a bucket style seat in a shopping cart or on a table, their positioning in a car seat compresses the diaphragm, making breathing difficult and increasing the risk of SIDS. Safely worn babies will be in a more upright position and will have an attentive caregiver paying close attention to them. They will have the added benefit of hearing and feeling their caregiver's heartbeat and breathing, which helps regulate those things for baby. Once baby is out of the car, baby should come out of the car seat. This is something I TOTALLY FAILED at. I admit it. I had an injury to my wrist from a crappy IV when Sam was born, so it was harder for me to hold him comfortably than it ought to have been. If I'd been a more confident baby-wearer, I might have been more comfortable, because I wouldn't have been supporting as much of his weight with my hands, and I wouldn't have been as apt to keep him in a car seat or swing.

Some baby carriers are not ideal for long sessions, and some are outright dangerous and have been banned. If you see a bag style carrier with elastic around the pouch area like this, don't buy it. These are off the market but do show up at garage sales and on ebay and Craigslist. Another highly debated type of carrier within the baby wearing community is what we affectionately call a "crotch dangler". I confess, I did own and use one of these when Sam was small. It is by far the least expensive type of carrier readily available, but the Bjorn is also designed the same way and is ridiculously expensive for what it is. If you must use this type of carrier, please only do so with baby facing in and for short periods of time. Your back, shoulders, and your baby's hips will thank you.

So. Like using a carseat properly, there are a few things you need to keep in mind to use a baby carrier safely and comfortably. The TICKS checklist is a good place to start. Baby's breathing and position are crucial to babywearing safety.

Which carrier to choose?  I have used several over the years for Sam and now Maggie. I'll give detail about each.

WRAPS

My first baby carrier was a woven wrap from Lil' Peeper Keepers. It was cotton gauze in dark green with no stretch. I chose it because I wasn't confident that a Moby would be long enough for me to tie comfortably, and I figured Sam would outgrow the Moby more quickly than I'd want. It worked very well for Sam's first summer and fall, but eventually the length did become an issue--it was just too short for us to breathe properly, once he grew, in the standard hug hold position (and I didn't know about shorter wrapping methods at the time). So I gave it to my sister-in-law to use with her daughter. One note: all carriers have some learning curve, but with wraps it does take a little more practice with a mirror to learn how to do it. I didn't learn on my first try, but I kept at it and eventually got it. YouTube has a plethora of videos teaching how to wrap and how to use other carriers. I will gladly help any of my local friends who need a little help getting started.

Photo credit: Self portrait with Sam, seated, at Nickelodeon Universe

I recently bought a longer wrap in light green, same fabric, from the same lady, to use with Maggie.

Photo credit: Terrible bathroom mirror self-portrait with Maggie

SOFT STRUCTURED CARRIERS (SSCs)

The second carrier we owned was this. I don't think I even have any pictures because I wasn't proud of it. It was intended as an easier to use carrier for Dan to wear Sam if needed. We all hated it.

When we got fed up with it and discovered just how harmful it was, but didn't want to spend over $100 for a new carrier, we bought an Infantino Union. It was a facing-in, front or back, buckle carrier with good lumbar support and a wide seat for baby. It worked very well for us, for both Sam and Maggie, and I even used it on Monday when I couldn't find my new carrier. It is a good starter SSC, with few bells and whistles and is not for infants under 6 months. My main criticism of it is that it's not very tall, so by the time you have a toddler it only goes halfway up their back. But, between about 6 and 18 months, for $40, as long as you don't mind having them wear a sun hat, it's a great low-cost carrier.

Photo credit: Another terrible bathroom self-portrait with Maggie

My favorite carrier at the moment, and the one I use the most, is my Ergo. I was extremely lucky (and extremely patient) so I got it for under $100 shipped, with an extra pouch, on Babysteals.com. It is amazing and has all the extras that the Union was missing, like a hood. It feels sturdier and more comfortable, and is slightly easier to get Maggie in and out of. One thing I plan to do soon is buy the teething pads to go on the straps--little lady likes to chew 'em!

This is basically how naptime happens at my house.

SSCs are by far the easiest type of carriers for a novice to use. They are not for tiny babies unless you use an infant support pouch or pillow, but by about 6 months they are great for every day. They are especially nice for taking baby in and out, say, for a diaper change, because when unhooked the straps don't drag on the floor the way a mei tai might. They can be a bit bulky so they aren't ideal for dragging around all the time, but for planned outings and around the house, they really are fantastic. I typically bring one to the zoo, the mall, and IKEA.

POUCH SLINGS

I have a Seven sling, but I've rarely used it. Just never got the hang of it and it seemed to pinch the kids' legs. I'm pretty sure it's sized correctly for me, but it just didn't work right for us. I used it as an emergency carrier that was small enough to fit in my purse (it folds up to be as small as a disposable diaper.) I've heard good things about Hotslings and will try to get a guest poster to review them.

Photo credit: the last terrible self-portrait of Maggie and me attempting a hip hold.

MEI TAIS and RING SLINGS

I haven't owned a mei tai or a ring sling before, though I have heard great things. I've also never owned a stretchy wrap, nor have I ever breastfed while baby wearing or had much luck with back carries. Fortunately, I have some fabulous friends and relatives with experience with most of these things and hope to get one of them to write up a guest post in the near future.

Happy baby wearing!

Feeling the darkness, what to do.

Tuesday night, 10 PM

For the first time since I started updating regularly again, it's the night before a weekday and I don't have a draft post prepared for the morning. I do have two drafts sitting in my list of posts, but one is rather long and involved and not ready to post just yet, and the other is a "space holder" post about an activity I haven't done yet, but that I intend to write about once I do.

I didn't do much writing today. Instead, I finished two projects and kept the kids alive while sporadically reading the internet and watching Korean dramas on Netflix. (They can be seriously addictive, though most have pretty much the same plot.)

I'm starting to feel the pressure of the holidays and the gloom* that normally sets over me after daylight savings time ends for the year. It doesn't help that instead of taking a vacation I've spent the last however many weeks more or less trapped in my house. I'm nowhere near finished with Christmas shopping, and I've not wrapped a single gift. Trying to keep up with the housework and failing miserably is always a drain on my energy.

So. What to do. I decided to make myself a little list of things that I could do every day to make myself feel a little bit better. (These are in addition to things I already do, like take my pills consistently and see my doctor as needed, keep up on bottles and diaper changes, try to get the kids to nap, etc. This list is unique to me and my household and should not be considered instructions or recommendations for anyone other than myself.)

1. Make coffee first thing in the morning and drink at least two cups before trying to accomplish anything.

2. Unload the dishwasher and reload it right away; run it as soon as the top rack is full.

3. Try to clear off as much of the kitchen counter as possible.

4. Drink another cup of coffee while facing the window, if it's finally light out.

5. Sit on the floor while trying to pick up toys. Try to get at least the duplos put away 3 times a day. Then sweep.

6. Make a meal plan and stick to it. Now that Maggie's eating people food, I need to make breakfast, lunch and snacks for both her and Sam, as well as myself, and get ready to make dinner for Dan, Sam, and me. This is much easier to do if I've thought about what I'll prepare before the kids are screaming at me.

7. Spend less time at the laptop. This is going to be a difficult one, but I can always use my phone if I really need an internet fix.

8. Spend more of the time at the laptop writing, rather than reloading Facebook and Google Reader. It'll all be there when I'm done.

9. At night, shower and decide what to wear the next day so I'm not hunting for it in the dark at 6:20 AM.

10. Reference this post when I forget what I'm supposed to be doing to make my day better.

*I have much more to say about the topic of depression and seasonal affective disorder (SAD). This post is only about where I'm at now, which is in a period of mostly remission with careful management.

Re-evaluated

Last Thursday was Sam's re-evaluation for Early Childhood Special Education, through which he's been receiving speech and language services for his communication delay.

It went well; he's still more or less in the normal range for everything except speech, with a few small exceptions. He's solidly between the 18-24 month and 24-30 month ranges overall, with some skills falling into each range. (He is 30 months old.) So he'll continue to qualify for services until he is 3 in May, and we're already registered for the next round of free ECFE where he receives services.

In addition, he'll be evaluated in January for autism. While I don't think he lies on the severe end of the spectrum, and his emotional expression and intelligence leads me to believe it is unlikely he has Asperger's, he does have some specific behaviors and personality traits which are common to autism. Once he figures out the communication piece, I think most of these traits and behaviors will serve him well later in life--he has incredible focus and the ability to learn what he wants to learn very quickly. For example, he learned to identify all letters of the alphabet by sight, not just in order of the ABCs, though he can also recite them in order. But without communication, these things are meaningless. Without knowing more words, he won't be able to read for comprehension, even though he can physically say all of the letters and most of their sounds.

Sam was super excited to see his therapists and speech pathologist come to our house, and was super sad to see them leave. He has made a good amount of progress since we started in September, and has met most of his speech goals for the term. Overall I am very happy with his "team" and their attitudes toward both Sam and me, and we are looking forward to the next term!

The Reason for the Season: A Rant

Preface: I don't mean to offend anyone with this post--I am merely sharing my reaction to these sorts of things when my friends share them on Facebook. If it was only one person with the passive-aggressive pseudo-Christian messages it wouldn't annoy me as much! So here goes:

Photo via Nina Lee on Facebook, shared by nearly 100,000 at the time of this writing

I find it very, very hard to believe that Jesus is upset about us not making a big exclusive deal out of Christmas and instead saying Happy Holidays. Something makes me think that seeing His children trampled on Black Friday in the name of conspicuous consumption would make Jesus go around whipping stuff and flipping tables. A co-opted pagan holiday is not the be-all and end-all of Christianity. It's just not. People who think it is are worshiping their own culture, not God.

Santa? Not Jesus. St. Nicholas is a Christian Saint, but the gift-giving monstrosity with the flying sled is most certainly secular.

Christmas trees? Not about Jesus, pagan tradition.

Yule log? It's right in the name, pagan tradition.

Wreaths, holly, mistletoe? Also not Christian in origin.

Celebrating in the month of December? Nobody seems to know exactly when Jesus was born. Even the gospels disagree on the year, let alone the date. Most of what I've read about it argues that the shepherds would not have been tending their flocks by night, outdoors, in the dead of winter, ergo it wouldn't have taken place between November and March. However, the highly popular pagan holiday of the Winter Solstice was in place long before.

Get over it. Christmas is a highly secular cultural holiday with relatively few ties to Christianity aside from what was co-opted to attract Pagans to convert. That's it.

Now, I love Christmas. I love putting up stockings and decorating our tree. I love gift-giving. But I don't harbor any illusions that these things have anything to do with Jesus. If you're going to argue with me about the Magi, why don't we move gift-giving to Epiphany?

Wish me a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Holiday, or Season's Greeting. Better yet, wish me Peace on Earth. And I'm not going to complain if you wish me a Happy Hanukkah, a Joyous Kwanzaa, or anything else. (A Delightful Diwali? That's already passed, oops!) Although if you're not African-American and you give me Kwanzaa greetings, I might look at you funny. Just sayin'.

And I've shared this elsewhere, but it seemed apt:

Image via Exploring Our Matrix

(I also discovered that Exploring Our Matrix had indeed, two years ago, written this post for me...two days after I'd already finalized it for posting. Oh well. This lady also beat me to the punch.)

Christmas presents, part 4: Amigurumi!

While I was looking for patterns for the ornaments, I noticed lots of little stuffed toy patterns as well and decided to take the plunge and try amigurumi for the kiddos again. Several years back I made bunnies for the big girls, who were maybe 3 or 4 at the time, I think? Anyhow, they were very putzy, 8 pieces each plus the dresses, so I wasn't too excited to try again. When I was on bedrest while pregnant with Sam, I got someone to buy me yarn to make this giraffe in two versions, but I gave birth before I had time to make them  for Sam and Reese.

The yarn's been in a box for a long time and is probably still there. They are 15 pieces each and a lot of sewing/assembly. Probably not going to happen before the kids outgrow them.

So this year I am thinking of taking on small holiday themed amigurumi for Ryan, Reese, Ella, and Sam. I've got patterns for an angel, a reindeer, a gingerbread person, and a snowperson. If I get started now, and make one between each of my other projects, I should be OK. Gotta find those eyes, though! I tried to buy new ones and remembered that the last time, I had to order them online because the brick-and-mortars don't sell them anymore, at all. Just the glue-on googly eyes, and who needs those? Not this lady. I bought black round beads to use for the ornaments, but for something meant to be played with, I need something sturdier. Worst case, I will embroider them, badly.

Unchurched

Warning: This post may offend or upset you, if you are a Christian who attends church regularly or who thinks I should. You're welcome to stop reading here if you like, and come back tomorrow for another crafting post. Also, this post may be of little or no interest to the atheists in the crowd. OK. You've been warned.

So, as the holiday season rolls around I'm realizing that church, as in attending worship in a local building with other people, might not be for me anymore. At least not right now.

Whether it's simply my perception or the reality of the churches I've attended, they seem to have this going on. If you're not the sort inclined to follow links, here's an excerpt from the blog by Jo Hilder:

"We create this system of silence, lies and hiding whenever we promote a culture of perfection and shame. When we say the only true and authentic expression of the Christian life is a successful life, an abundant life, a life where nobody gets sick or hears voices, or dies or divorces, where nobody is anything but English-speaking, employed, middle-class and heterosexual, where nobody is addicted or abused or bitter or angry, or could possibly have ever been hurt, offended or abused by us, then we tell A Great Lie. Great Lies force people underground, into the dark, and sometimes that darkness is within ourselves. We force people to turn away from their pain and their truth, we make them split themselves in two, and sometimes into even more little pieces. And folks learn they can only ever show us one kind of face, tell us one kind of story. The perfect face. The story with the happy ending.

"But these happy, perfect stories and faces are not what Jesus came to heal.

"If people feel they cannot bring into church what Jesus came to heal them of, then what the hell are we doing, Church?

"Our churches may look great from the outside, but if they do, we have nothing to brag about. Most of our churches look great not because they’re populated with the whole, the helped and the healed, but because they’re filled with hurting and heartbroken people who have learned how to hide."

So for now I'm enjoying the writing of John Shore, Rachel Held Evans, James F. McGrath, and various others from the comfort of my own computer screen. Unfundamentalist Christians on Facebook is a major source of reading, as is Believe Out Loud. Every day, I am thinking about social justice and theological issues, which is more than I can say for all the years I attended church regularly. I enjoyed the music some of the time, sure, but the sermon, sorry, the "message" usually missed the mark, or didn't say anything at all. Most of the time, the scripture readings were not well examined with regard to their historical, etymological, or contextual meanings--they were either taken as face value "line readings" or entirely ignored.  Further, I really only thought about God, Christianity, and my faith, while I was in the sanctuary. Experiencing church online instead, through reading and writing every day instead of just listening for an hour a week, has been much more fulfilling for me in recent months. Crocheting has been my time to meditate and digest what I've been reading.

And sure, I'd love to find a church home. Right now, though, I have an unenthusiastic husband and a rowdy two year old who both like to sleep in on Sundays. When we get to the point that it feels less like a chore, an obligation, a nagging "should", then we'll go. When I can say, "Sam really loves Sunday School and would be sad to miss it this week," then we'll go. We'll probably attend once on Christmas Eve, becoming the dreaded C&E (Christmas and Easter) churchgoers.

I am weary of church-shopping. I am tired of researching and researching what I hope will be a great community for us, and then finding out that they have only one worship service per week at the butt-crack of dawn, which is a deal-breaker for us. I am leery of accidentally ending up in a pit of bigotry, sexism, heterosexism and self-congratulation. Yes, this happened once. They had a brochure about how "the homosexual agenda" had invaded Hawaii and how they were out to recruit your children. I feel like one more bad church experience and Dan will give up entirely, and I don't want to be a family where Mom drags the kids to church and Dad couldn't care less. (I mean absolutely no offense to anyone who was raised that way.) If and when we join a faith community, I want it to be as a family. And I know, I know, part of my responsibility as a member of The Church is to help build a community that serves the needs of everyone who wants to participate. Part of it is to just show up and let the Holy Spirit do what she needs to do. It's the showing up part that I'm struggling with.

It frustrates me that if we were Catholic we would have no problem at all finding a 5pm Saturday Evening Mass to attend, but the more theologically compatible protestant denominations rarely have anything later than 11am. That's typically the praise music service anyway, which makes my skin crawl. So, until further notice, we're at an impasse. I'm thanking God for the gift of modern communication and social networking that lets me participate in an alternative format faith community on my own terms, for the moment.

Further reading:
John Shore: "Is Church Necessary?"
Rachel Held Evans: "15 Reasons I Left Church"
                             "15 Reasons I Returned to The Church"
                             "The Mainline and Me"
                             A Year of Biblical Womanhood (I would love this for a Christmas gift, if anyone's still reading this far down!)

(The comments section on John's blog is an amazing community. On Rachel's blog, there are occasionally trolls in the comments. Not sure why that is.)

Christmas presents, part 3: Ornaments!

Ornaments and small detail work are things that I usually do right at my laptop, staring at the pattern and counting carefully, so they are in general not great projects to do with the kiddos around. I can cram them in during naps and when Dan's around, so I made use of our staycation to get a couple things made.

I already posted the first ornament that I made, the pink poinsettia. Unfortunately I put the petals on backwards so I'm just keeping that one for my family and making another the right way. I really like this post about mistakes in crafting. If I've already finished a project but I'm not happy with it, I tend to just keep it for myself or give it to someone who will love it, mistakes and all.

The second ornament I made this year was the red poinsettia. Pattern here.

Instead of making a bunch of the same ornament, this year I'm thinking I'll do a different one for each family. So I'll be making a snowman, a Christmas mouse, and possibly a Santa in addition to the flowers. Not planning to make them out of exactly the same yarns specified, since I already have a ton of acrylic yarn in all colors of the rainbow.

Here's a bit of my process with the snowman. First I stitch up all the pieces. For this pattern, there are only four--to contrast with those stupid poinsettias, which have 15 pieces each...each individual leaf, petal, and middle part was its own piece. You can see why I decided against making more of them. Here I have already stuffed the snowman's body with fiberfill.

Then I tuck in ends and do any surface embroidery. Here I also attached the pom-pom to the hat.

Then I assemble.

I should probably have just bought new plastic eyes. I had plenty at one point, but they seem to be "in a bin" and I haven't been able to locate them. This time I just made the eyes with black yarn instead. Confession: I suck at french knots. For the mouth, the pattern called for black yarn in a straight line, but on a second look at the picture, it looks like they used black thread instead to make a tiny grin. My snowman looks rather grumpy and not nearly as cute as theirs. Maybe I'll just call him Grumpy Gus and try harder with the others.